intensely trivial



A little update

Today my dear husband got the commandingest he ever gets with me and told me to rest this evening. So here I am resting. Not even at my desk. No birth books within reach. Yay me, right?
It’s been intense the last several weeks, ever since I really got started with my midwifery studies. AAMI is *very* nontraditional, which suits me fantastically well, and I’m not going to describe the ins and outs of the program here. So far, I’ve done a lot of physical and mental organizing of my space, getting ready to research different topics and store knowledge. Having attended more than 40 births (yes, I passed that milestone! thank you, God!), the questions proliferate, based on things I’ve seen at real births or talked to people about. What might cause an umbilical cord to break? When should I push water or food on a client in labor, and when should I just shut up about it? How much variation in fetal heart rate is “normal” during pushing? Could we avoid the oxygen mask (those times when it is used) just by getting the mom to breathe deeply? How much tearing would we eliminate if moms could push their babies out without being bossed around? What does the research say about ultrasound/doppler and its effect on babies?
I don’t have many free moments. Because I love this midwifery thing so much, I have a hard time taking time off. I could study for five hours every day and just keep finding depths to plumb. But I don’t want to burn myself out at the beginning or shortchange anything else this early in the game.
Another wickedly sick thing that’s happening is that I hear this condemnatory voice saying, “This is too much fun for you. Obviously it’s wrong if you enjoy it so much.” At the root, this is a doubt about whether God could really be so kind as to give me something so wonderful to do. Of all the challenges I’ve been facing, this is the worst, and I need rescuing.
(And if you keep reading after that admission, thanks.)
In other news. . .
Running is going great! My mileage this last week was my highest ever. It helps that we finally have some fall weather and there’s a little more oxygen to breathe. I imagine myself practically bounding on 45-degree mornings. Tomorrow morning I plan to run my longest run ever: 10 miles. We shall see how it goes. It strikes some fear in my heart, but I sure am looking forward to the high afterward. 🙂
Our kids are awesome! And of course the smartest, most creative, most beautiful kids around.
I’m learning I need to keep it creative in the kitchen, even though I am so busy. It feeds my soul as well as my body — keeps me balanced right now.
Hanging laundry on the line is my favorite mindless job. I wish I could do it every day.
There are skunks around our house. They perfume the air around 5:30 most mornings here. I’m out doing yoga on the deck at that time of day, and I am very wary of them. I do wish I had better night vision on the mornings I go out to run before the sun is up.
I’m 37 now. Cool, huh? I promised last year on my birthday to post the story of when I was born, and now it’s a year later, and I haven’t done it, although I interviewed my mom about it. I still have the notes, so I’ll try to post that soon. Most interesting to me is that I was extracted with forceps! That seems to have been a very common thing at the time, based on the reading I’m doing now. It might explain some things about me. 😉
Well, this isn’t the most creative post ever, but I am resting, after all.

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Comments

  1. * kristen says:

    Wow, I really enjoyed reading this post, Rachel. Glad to hear you took the plunge & started studying midwifery! That’s awesome!

    Thanks for your honesty about your struggles with how you view God. I struggle with doubting His goodness, as well. Sometimes when things go wrong, I feel like He’s punishing me for past sins. Chad has helped me immensely by reminding me over and over again that He loves us similarly to the way we love our own children, but much better, and that His allowing things to sometimes go wrong in life is for our ultimate good. Similarly, God gives us good gifts because He loves us. And just as you desire to see Ellie and Jonathan delight in the good gifts you’ve given them, God desires to see you delight in His good gifts.

    Remembering that He views us the way we view our own children, but better, has helped me a lot, so I thought I’d share it with you. 🙂 I hope the 10-mile run goes really well. Looking forward to seeing you soon!

    PS: I see you’re reading _Space for God_. That’s an excellent book. I’m curious– what did you think of _Velvet Elvis_?

    Posted 7 years, 1 month ago
  2. * carmen says:

    Creative…schmeative…I love this post. While I love reading anything you write, I especially enjoyed reading these somewhat free-flowing thoughts. Thanks for the insights into your heart and your everyday!

    Posted 7 years, 1 month ago
  3. * Terri says:

    I keep wanting to say something really profound in response to this post…but my brain is mush.

    Posted 7 years, 1 month ago
  4. You all are so encouraging! 🙂 I have the best friends! 🙂 Terri, no need for profundity. I’m not that profound lately, either, and I don’t have the excuse you do!

    Posted 7 years, 1 month ago


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