intensely trivial

Just wait; a good post’s coming

I just have to let you know that I have a highly interesting blog post in the hopper. It’s about the Valentine’s gift I gave Dan this year, the 28 Days of Decent Sex. I promise I will finish it up one of these days. It’s just that writing the post about it is taking some thought. You know, because I’m sure you’ll want to know all the DETAILS of what we did. Just kidding. I won’t do that to you.
Meanwhile, I’m getting excited about attending my next birth in the next few days. How I wish I could tell you all the stories of the remarkable women and the births I attend. My outside-the-home job as a doula is nowhere near a “job”; it’s a stunning, humbling gift. The doula work is picking back up again after a slow time that God knew I needed.
I’m in a time of simplifying my life. I tend to go full-tilt and then crash. No one around here likes my crashes, least of all me. I’m trying to figure out what are reasonable expectations for me, given my ambitions and my limitations. What parts of my life will last? Is there a way to simplify the stuff that won’t last? For example, I recycle all I possibly can, and until now, I’ve been the one to drop it off at Howie’s Recycling. Not recycling isn’t really an option for me; taking care of the resources we’ve been given is an act that has eternal value, in my opinion. But then I actually met the woman who owns Go Green Curbside Recycling, and I found out how much it would cost to utilize the service. It doesn’t cost as much as my sanity does. So this time, I listened to Dan’s advice and agreed to pay a little money for a little help. It seems that simplification for the sake of a more meaningful life is mostly about discipline. For me at this point, discipline means being content with less and not allowing my ambitions to run rampant. I’ve actually been saying no to some things, and I’m practicing not mentally redoing the scenario in other ways that would have made everyone happy.
The last few weeks have been incredibly humbling, actually. My ugly internal attitudes have been highlighted, my lack of desire to know God, my stupid, frantic scrambling after futile things such as approval and perfection, and my inability to listen to him. I don’t feel like a lowly, horrid worm; I just feel humble and in need of redemption. Indeed, all creation groans as we await a new birth, and I am part of that creation.
Some things are going well, like the fact that I’ve been running regularly, a route that goes up two of the biggest hills in Manhattan, one my own hill, which I climb at the end of my route, try to cool down a little, run back down a little to my driveway, and then collapse against a tree, thus earning my “treehugger” status honestly. But then I get to the end of the day, put the kids to bed, and chomp my way through a lot of Twizzlers. I’ve lost a chunk of the weight I resolved to lose upon the New Year, but I seem to be sabotaging the loss of the last 5 lbs. with birthday cake and candy.
Well, this is quite a rambly post. Thanks for reading.


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