The same, but different
In a few minutes of quiet this Saturday morning, I feel like checking in and baring myself to the world for a few minutes. Dan is out on a 35-mile bike ride, the kids are puttering about, reading and playing and eating commercial cereal dry, and I have my green smoothie (which is really purple because of all the blueberries and grapes).
Transition has been the theme of the last few months.
Some of our transitions have been a big deal…
… we decided to homeschool our two kids.
… we’ve floundered about, getting some perspective on church.
… I am phasing out my doula work, partly because I am assisting/apprenticing with my midwife preceptor.
And some of the transitions haven’t been quite as big a deal…
… I haven’t worn a bra since June. Well, that’s not technically true; I wear a sports bra when I run. In any case, you oughta give bralessness a try. It may transform your life.
… green smoothies have revolutionized our nutrition (well, in some ways that is true!).
… my running shoes were replaced due to high mileage (what do other runners do with the multiple pairs of high-mileage shoes that pile up? this doesn’t sit well with the green part of me).
I could write a whole blog entry about each of these things. I say those last three aren’t a big deal, but they are, in my intense world. And the first three are such big deals I could weep.
Through it all, God has been there. I’ve wondered if I still loved God. The answer is yes. I must have Jesus. He’s the only peace and warmth in the dark places. He redeems my desperate sinfulness. (“Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.”)
And Dan, my rock, my home. My kids’ love never fails, either. The oxytocin flows freely around here, when I’m not spazzing out. ;)
In the birth process, “transition” is that time when you are beyond rational thought and have entered some other reality. You have lost sight of the end goal, because you’re focused on just this one overwhelming wave. You question yourself, you question the process itself, you wonder if it will kill you. And you give up to it.
And then, somehow, you realize that part is over, and things make sense again, and there is a glorious revelation of beauty and joy.
I’ll make it through transition in my life. We always do. As babies get born, so do the dreams and plans of God himself. Remind me of that, will you?